This summer has been quite the tumultuous one.
Ash in a comatose state. Lily a happy toddler, seemingly oblivious to the difficult world around her.
I was talking to Lily this morning as she played with her toys in the middle of her room. I had to tell her now, before she gets too enveloped in her stories. Now, before she questioned why I was watching her from the rocking chair, and not getting ready to go to work.
Lily, Daddy may never wake up. He's getting even more sick than before, even though he's sleeping. I watched her reaction as she set down her toys and looked up at me. Those big eyes blinking.
"Daddy's not sleeping anymore, Mommy." She simply stated, before going back to her toys. Having Lily say that, made me angry. I felt my face flush and my fists clench. It reminded me how young I am. If I hadn't had Lily, I would still be a legal adult, but I'd be a kid to everyone else. I'd be in college, or traveling, or doing something other than my daily routine of taking care of a three year old child and visiting a husband who's hospital-bed bound. My anger turned into embarrassment, and I hid in the bathroom while I cried. Somewhere while I was in there, I suddenly realized Lily's words.
"What do you mean he's not sleeping anymore?" Lily was fully engrossed in her game, and turned to look at me with a frown. "He was in my dream and said that."
From that, I gathered Lily and raced to the hospital. I was dreading what I would find there more than hoping for the best. Things like this mean they've passed on, right? Coming to dreams and telling their kids they love them and that they'll see each other soon?
But when we raced through the halls, the doctor and nurse came out of his room and saw me, and mentioned they were just about to call me down, but I didn't hear a thing they said, because when I looked in his room, he was still laying down, his color still pale, but his eyes were open.My heart dropped for a moment. When people die, their eyes remain open, right?
But then he blinked, and Lily let go of my hand and ran in. "Daddy!" filled my ears, and in months, I saw my husband, my Ash, smile.
He needs to relearn how to walk, and say some things. He also doesn't remember about a week before he went into his coma, so when he learned he missed Lily's birthday, I could tell he was really hurt.
But he remembered us, which I am thankful for.
I didn't want to leave him, but Lily had fallen asleep, and I have to work (from home, thankfully) tomorrow.
Ash is awake.
Much Love.
