Catch Ups

Hello, If you're reading my blog, this is the first one. Of course, I've had blogs before, just haven't blogged in a year or two. And quite frankly it's taken since January to actually complete one post I've been so..nervous/busy. Well, you probably want to know me, or know what I've been up to. So get on your pajamies and snuggle up, because even if you know me, I have a lot to share.


First off, my name is Clary. I've been married to Ash for over a year now, and I couldn't be happier. I'm a mother to the sweetest little 23 month old girl named Lillian Rose (Lily). If you're new to reading this blog, then I'm going to tell you now that getting here, happy as I am, wasn't easy in the least. So, let's start from the beginning-starting at my beginning.
To say it in the most straightforward way possible without being melancholic, my life hasn't been easy. As a small child, my father left me and my mother in an old foreclosed apartment in Seattle. I don't remember much of my dad, except that he had a form of a heart (and he hugged me a lot), which was more than I could say for my mother.
Now, now, my mother had her own story, though, but theres no room on here now. To her, my father deserted her and betrayed her, though in reason, it was her own fault he left us. I wasn't always her first priority. She battled drug and alcohol addiction, she lost her job a lot. Shortly after my dad left, my mom couldn't afford rent, and we were evicted. She went to every neighbor asking if I could stay with them for a few days. A few of them accepted me, though I don't remember them much anymore. I don't know where she went, though somehow she ended up coming back with gifts and money. Later I would find that she was doing "favors" for friends to get the money she needed.
She shaped up a little after I entered Middle School, managing to keep a steady job and then just staying in the general same place. Surprisingly, I was in Middle School when I met Ash.
He was you typical boy with shaggy black hair and cheeks like a chipmunk (which Lily now shares). Except he differed from other boys-Ash had Acute Leukemia. So he was often missing from school or very sick a lot.
We became friends quickly anyway and managed to keep our relationship strong through our changes in middle and high school, changing friends and boyfriends and girlfriends alike. To be perfectly honest, I've always loved Ash; though I always insisted I loved him like a brother.
Around my Freshman year, my mom tried to become sober. She had managed to stop taking drugs for my sake, though she wasn't always succesful, I realize now. Also in my freshman year, was when Ash was at his worst. He went to school with no hair, his skin paper white and very thin. He often had nose bleeds or needed to throw up. I was at his side with a few of his guy friends, (mostly a boy named Cooper), the whole time. He got over it, luckily, but he had a lot of us scared.
Moving on. When I was seventeen, I found myself pregnant. It was Ash's birthday and we got a little too in to each other, and things happened.
To all of you reading, I don't regret getting pregnant at all. Lily and Ash are my life, it was meant to be that way. But regret is different from wishing I could tell myself something before his birthday. I wish I had waited to have sex and have a baby. When you are only seventeen and you have a baby bump, you get only two types of people to talk to you. People who are glad you didn't abort it, and wish me luck and people who call you names (and not like preggo, like Whore and slut) and say I'm going to hell for not closing my legs. Not to mention, most of my friends I have lost because of my pregnancy. Even my relationship with my mother, which was on the mend, had been broken. If you're a teen or just not married-wait or do everything possible to protect yourself from pregnancies and STD's. It's easier to stay a teen, a childish adolescent as long as you can be.
On June 6th, 2009, at 1:27 in the morning, Lillian Rose was born. I've never felt the the way I do towards anyone the way I feel towards Lily. Nothing like it.
Since then, Ash and I moved in, I found a job I could do while I was also schooling, (A dental Hygienist I now am!) and Ash too, (Mechanic in Stanwood). We still live in Camano Island, though we're planning on moving south, probably an hour to Bothell. Closer to family and a better home. With the recent heroin outbreak in Stanwood, I didn't want Lily to be exposed to that, even though she's not even two.
Oh yea, Lily's almost two!
As far as Ash's health, its been the the usual vicissitudes. It's not usual, says the doctor. Most of his days are bad days, where he can barely get out of bed. He bleeds a lot. We don't own white sheets, we know better.
He had an Multiple Sclerosis scare long ago, but that has since past.
Unfortunately, a brain scan a few months ago showed a tumor in the left part of his brain, which explains a his sporatic and crippling migraines. There's no doubt it's cancer.

Weeks to Months the doctor said.

To be honest, I refuse to believe anything that that entails. I adjust myself and Lily to Ash's needs, and we live our lives the fullest. His life is limitless. He's decided to just take some medicines. He underwent surgery, which only confirmed suspiscions and nothing more. The managed to downsize the tumor, but it's still there.

We live a happy life anyway.

And that's our story x)

Lily is walking,(running, really), and can now say a handful of words including "Cat", "Momma", "Pop", "Cup", and "Pool". (Pool developed in the last few days after seeing Ash filling up her small pool because it was so warm. Though I think I had my feet in it longer than she was in it playing.
Well, I better go. Lily's starting to wake after her nap.

My Love,

Clary & Ash,
+Lily