Return

Four years ago, I was a silly teen. I was looking forward to being eighteen, to be out of my mother's house. I was looking forward to finding the love of my life. I was craving getting out of Washington, out of the rain. Only four months later, would I find I was pregnant at 17. I was the girlfriend of my best friend. I would be disowned from my mother. I would be called names. I would lose my best girl friends, because they no longer liked the labels they received by being in my company.

Three Years ago, I was a new mother. Lillian Rose Jessica Ann Laura Lee M., was born. I decided I wanted to go to college. I wanted to be the best I could be for Lily. I would later get married to Ash. I would later discover my father had another family. I would later be the bridesmaid to one of Ash's sisters. I would later see a very bright future.

Two years ago, I was introducing my one-year old to taking care of Daddy. I was studying to be a Dental Hygienist. I was balancing toddlers with being twenty. I was dealing with depression. I would later deal with running to the hospital with Ash. I would later lock myself in the bathroom, crying, wondering what was wrong with my husband. I would later lose my job. I would later move in with Ash's family. I would later have to explain to Lily why she only got one present on Christmas. 

One year ago, I was hoping for a new start. I was happier. I was living in our own house. I was taking classes. I was introduced to the meaning of "terrible twos". I was happy. I was adapting. I would later be told that Ash's tumor is removable. I would later sit in a waiting room for the longest twelve hours waiting for my husband to get out of surgery. I would later see him smile. I would later be shocked by new results. I would later research Lou Gehrig's disease. I would later learn how to respond when a seizure struck.

Today, I am stuck between happiness and the opposite. I spent my daughter's third birthday at a park as well as next to Daddy's hospital bed. I have learned how to feed through a feeding tube. I have gotten a job that pays the bills and allows Lily to be comfortable. I have learned how to raise my baby girl by myself. I have yet to learn how to tell a three year old, so young in life, yet so smart already, that Daddy may never get up again. I don't know what my future brings, or what will happen.

It's been a long time, and I am terribly sorry for the brutal and somewhat depressing opening. As you can tell, its been a hard year for this family. I won't go into it, that is for some other time, perhaps when I have a cup of tea next to me. But for now, what you get is what's above. 

I have a few goals for the summer, despite my very busy schedule. I want to keep blogging. I miss the few followers I gained through my past blog, as well as Ash's internet "skillz" as he once said it. 

Tomorrow, I will blog again.

Forever love.